Jennifer Lopez has broken her silence on splitting with Ben Affleck following just two years of marriage and their second attempt at making things work after first parting ways back in 2004.
The 55-year-old singer, who posed in a sexy leopard print outfit for the cover of Interview magazine published Wednesday, described her turmoil as being ‘sad’ and ‘scary.’
Going topless in the accompanying risqué shoot, Jennifer talked to comedian Nikki Glaser about her life ‘blowing up’ in her face this year and the life lessons she still has to learn, although she was careful not to mention Ben by name.
Ben and Jennifer – affectionally dubbed ‘Bennifer’ – split in April and she filed for divorce on August 20, which was also their two-year wedding anniversary.
The Hustlers star hinted that she needed to be alone again after leaving Ben: ‘You have to be healthy. You have to be complete, if you want something that’s more complete.’
‘You have to be good on your own. I thought I learned that, but I didn’t. And then, this summer, I had to be like, “I need to go off and be on my own. I want to prove to myself that I can do that.”‘
But the entertainer has no regrets: ‘Not one second. That doesn’t mean it didn’t almost take me out for good. It almost did.’
Jennifer also said during her in-depth interview – for the publication’s 55th anniversary special – that she is not hoping to date someone else at the moment: ‘I’m not looking for anybody.’
Jennifer Lopez has broken her silence on her Ben Affleck split after two years of marriage
The star, who modeled leopard print for the cover of Interview magazine to celebrate its 55th anniversary, said it was ‘sad, scary’
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When Nikki asked if the breakup was ‘hard,’ JLo replied: ‘Yes, it’s f***ing hard!’
And she feels sad.
‘It feels lonely, unfamiliar, scary. It feels sad. It feels desperate,’ noted the Can’t Get Enough singer.
‘But when you sit in those feelings and go, “These things are not going to kill me,” it’s like actually, I am capable of joy and happiness all by myself. Being in a relationship doesn’t define me. I can’t be looking for happiness in other people. I have to have happiness within myself. I used to say I’m a happy person, but was still looking for something for somebody else to fill, and it’s just like, “No, I’m actually good.”’
When she addressed her ‘lessons’ she said it is a ‘lifelong process.’
‘I think that’s what I love about life, that there’s no arrival point,’ said the Bronx beauty.
‘There’s only getting better and growing if you want to. It’s either growing or dying, and I don’t want to do the dying part.
‘And yeah, there’s times when I thought I figured it out, and then life goes, “Let’s send you another thing and see if you fall for it. Let’s see if you really have learned that lesson.” And I hadn’t.
‘I understand that now in a much deeper way, which doesn’t mean that I won’t make mistakes in the future, but again, when your whole house blows up, you’re standing there in the rubble going, “How do I not ever let that happen again?”
The diva looked sensational in animal print bikinis as she talked to Nikki Glaser about her crazy summer
The Atlas actress talked about her life ‘blowing up’ in her face this year and the life lessons she still has to learn though she did not use Ben’s name
Seen with Ben when they were engaged in 2003, left, and her at the premiere of his movie Unstoppable at TIFF, right
‘And then you start examining it little by little saying, “Okay, I did this, this was my part in it, this was what I should have seen early on, this is what I didn’t look at.” Those things are what really are the lessons.’
Then again without naming the end of her marriage to Affleck, she said she did not learn her lesson.
‘The work is figuring yourself out. It’s looking back at the feelings underneath and the belief systems that we have about ourselves that make us make certain choices and create certain patterns in our life,’ she said.
‘And so, when you get to a point where you think that you’ve learned the lessons, and then it blows up in your face again, you realize, “Okay, I haven’t, so what is it that I need to look at right now?” I would say, never stop looking inward, because it’s so easy to blame everybody else.’
And then she said she needed to be alone again after leaving Ben: ‘But you have to be healthy. You have to be complete, if you want something that’s more complete’
She added, ‘You have to be good on your own. I thought I learned that, but I didn’t. And then, this summer, I had to be like, “I need to go off and be on my own. I want to prove to myself that I can do that”’
When Nikki asked if that was ‘hard,’ JLo replied: ‘Yes, it’s f***ing hard!’
And she feels sad. ‘It feels lonely, unfamiliar, scary. It feels sad. It feels desperate,’ noted the Can’t Get Enough singer
Lopez then said that her flaws should be loved too as she addressed ‘boundaries.’
‘Somebody who truly loves you will help you heal those parts of yourself. That’s what I’ve learned about love, that it is a secure thing. You make me feel safe, and when I fall short of the glory, you understand me and you help me to grow to be better, because you have your boundaries and I have my boundaries.’
When Glaser said: ‘Now, it sounds to me like you have a new bar for the next person that comes along,’ Lopez snapped back: ‘Here’s the thing: There’s no new bar because I’m not looking for anybody. How’s that?’
Jennifer also said that is the first time she has ever said that as a single woman adding, ‘You know what? For people who are romantics and love being in relationships and want to grow old with somebody, we think, “I have to have that to be whole and happy.” And you don’t.’
And she added it took 30 years to get to this place.
As far as all the negative comments about her divorce, she says she can handle it though she is ‘not Teflon’ because sometimes it can hurt.
Toward the end of the interview, Nikki asks Jennifer again about the end of her marriage.
‘The pain you just went through, you do not regret,’ said Glaser.
As far as Ben’s new film Unstoppable, in which she has a role, she said it is ‘really beautiful.’ ‘I did the movie because it was such an inspirational story, and it was a Latino story’
‘Not one second. That doesn’t mean it didn’t almost take me out for good. It almost did. But now, on the other side of it, I think to myself, “F***, that is exactly what I needed. Thank you, god. I’m sorry it took me so long. I’m sorry that you had to do this to me so many times. I should have learned it two or three times ago. I get it. You had to hit me really hard over the head with a fucking sledgehammer. You dropped the house on me. Don’t have to do it again.”’
Glaser then said, ‘You finally got it.’
The Maid In Manhattan actress agreed: ‘I finally got it! And by the way, that doesn’t mean I have everything figured out. Now I’m excited, when you say you’re just going to be on your own. Yes, I’m not looking for anybody, because everything that I’ve done over the past 25, 30 years, being in these different challenging situations, what can I f***ing do when it’s just me flying on my own.’
Lopez also addressed canceling her summer tour: ‘I’m glad I did, because it was a really difficult time for me. Probably the hardest time of my life, but it was also the best time because I got to do that work on myself.’
As far as Ben’s new film Unstoppable, in which she has a role, she said it is ‘really beautiful.’
‘I did the movie because it was such an inspirational story, and it was a Latino story. It’s about Anthony Robles, a wrestler who was born with one leg, and how he defied the odds in his sport. I play his mother, who had him when she was 16,’ she said.
And she saw the film at TIFF. ‘I got to see it all done for the first time with the audience in Toronto, and people loved it and really responded to the emotion of the movie. It’s one of those great inspirational stories that I think the world needs right now.’
