Where do you stand on The Rock? A question to which the answer can only be, “Please – not on his face!” Wrestler, movie star, high-intensity interval philosopher, skincare entrepreneur, self-styled future presidential candidate … Personally I believe that Mr Dwayne Johnson is a net hilarity for humanity, though the idea he could ever truly limit himself to enriching the lives of only one species – or indeed only one planet – feels profoundly suspect.
Last week, The Rock graced Fox News with a lengthy interview in which he announced he will be withholding his wildly coveted endorsement in the forthcoming US presidential election, having given it to Joe Biden last time. The reason? The Rock believes that very endorsement – his specifically – “caused an incredible amount of division in our country”. Evidently The Rock judges himself a mega-market-mover in terms of American discord, so this time he is not declaring support for either Biden or Donald Trump. Quite a statement from a guy who 100% seems the type to have a tattoo of the words “if you choose not to decide you have still made a choice”. Obviously not in English – in either Sanskrit, Latin or Hindi, curling round some sort of calf muscle called a trizeltoid or something, that he’s got a cool abbreviation for. #trizos #gainzneversleepz #warriorpoet
Anyway: the path to the Oval Office. The Rock assures the public that “My goal is to bring our country together.” As indicated, I yield to no one who says that contemporary America cannot be swiftly depolarised by men’s grooming products, somewhat faltering action movies, and a board seat on the company that just sold the rights to WWE’s Monday Night Raw to Netflix for $5bn. Even so, could it be The Rock has more conventional plans for how to unify that great nation, and is making his much-touted political move (call it the Heartland Chokehold, even though that sounds like what happens to troubled interns who sleep with their congressmen and think it’s something more)? Could Johnson be offering citizens of the US the chance to have him as their Final Boss?
And could he even be staking out a pitch? After all, in the wide-ranging sitdown with Fox, he also attacked “woke culture”, a development that some may judge reveals the direction this is all going in. That doesn’t mean he’s specifically picking a side. Although, listen – the Democrats and Republicans have apparently both asked him before. Last year, The Rock claimed that, in late 2022, “I got a visit from the parties asking me if I was going to run, and if I could run.” Mm. This is for president, supposedly – and honestly, given who the American electorate has voted for and may yet vote for again, could you even call it a comedy pick? Surely once they elected Trump to the White House, it permanently demeaned the office – a bit like when Jinder Mahal became WWE champion after pinning Randy Orton at Backlash 2017. Although obviously not as bad.
As for The Rock, he also uses the Fox interview to insist: “My goal has never been to be in politics.” Really? That seems odd, given the sheer volume of interviews in which he is on record saying stuff like the fact that running for president is “a realistic consideration”, “alluring”, and “if it ever happens, it’d be my honour to serve”.
I get the feeling the honour would be all ours, from day one, when Dwayne would ditch the famous Resolute desk, and replace it with what he calls “my GSD (Get Shit Done) table that’s inside my trailer”. According to The Rock, this is where “many productive meetings and big business deals have been sealed”, and the table “holds a lot of great mana (spirit/power) and energy”. In fact, it was probably from that very table that he sat down during the filming of Fast and Furious 8, and called his co-stars “candy asses”. Yup, this is a guy not afraid to go tit-to-tit with Vin Diesel (real name Mark Sinclair) – and more importantly, not afraid to obliquely tell the world about it in a swiftly deleted social media post.
“When you watch this movie next April,” The Rock explained back then, “and it seems like I’m not acting in some of these scenes and my blood is legit boiling – you’re right.”
Ooh! Funnily enough he was saying something very similar recently, when he followed a WWE opponent out to the car park for afters. “I can’t shut my high emotions off just because a script says we’re done,” claimed The Rock, even though he can. “But … this is a microcosm of a larger issue I have with individuals, corporations and governments – telling us what we can or can’t do. You have to do it this way, you have to say it that way, or you’ll get cancelled … Fuck that. I say it the way I want to say it.” Totally. And you know, without having to bring it back to his most recent tag team result – he and Roman Reigns did win against Cody Rhodes and Seth Rollins last weekend. The guy is 51. How does he do it?
No but I mean “how does he do it?” in a way that can be discussed in a newspaper? Over to The Rock! “Pushing myself physically, mentally and psychologically to places I’ve never gone … Honoured to share the ring, go to war in our squared circle and entrain the fans … Audaces Fortuna Iuvat.” And if those last three words sound to you like some kind of herbal supplement to which you could never get access, I am blown away to tell you that they are indeed Latin. Fortune DOES favour the brave – though whether the American electoral system does remains as yet tantalisingly unclear.
